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如何说,孩子才会听?如何听,孩子才会说?

生活中,经常有家长对自己孩子的情绪置之不理,把自己的想法强加在孩子身上,不去体会孩子的感受,从而忽略了如何正确引导孩子表达自己情绪的机会。孩子的情绪无法好好控制,直接导致家长会忍不住打骂孩子,孩子自己心里的委屈也无处宣泄,情绪控制愈来愈恶劣。

今天我们就来讲讲与以往有别的理论。

1.孩子的感受与他们的行为有直接关联。

  • 我们自闭症孩子大多数语言表达能力都不是很好,在这种情况下,如果家长不让孩子了解到自己其实懂得孩子的感受,那么这个时候,很有可能就会激发孩子的不良情绪。看到孩子有情绪问题的时候,我们应当先自己冷静下来,用简短易懂的话语来重复不停地安慰孩子,比如:“妈妈/爸爸知道了,宝宝很难过”。要让孩子知道我们是懂她们的,这样他们就会对我们产生信赖感,无形当中,我们就与孩子建立起了亲密关系。把孩子的情绪安抚好后,我们家长要去主动思考引起孩子情绪问题的原因,避免下次再因为同样的事情导致孩子情绪出现问题。久而久之,我们真正了解孩子的需求之后,根据孩子的自身能力,再慢慢试着引导孩子。当孩子的情绪问题出现时,我们应当引导孩子用语言来表达自己的情绪和感受,而不是用哭闹来表达自己的情绪。(如果孩子正确表达出了自己的情绪,我们应当适当给予强化物来稳定孩子的行为。)

2.孩子有好的感受才会有好的行为。

  • 孩子哭闹不止,总会由于各种原因造成的。小到太热,太冷。大到身体不适。孩子无法让别人理解自己的感受,会产生很多焦虑情绪。但有时候,我们找到了引起情绪问题的这些事情的原因后,却不知道如何避免这些事情的发生。这时,我们家长就应该注意平时多给予孩子一些关爱或者令人愉快的互动,让孩子感受到我们为孩子营造的生活氛围是愉悦和幸福的。要让孩子感受到来自身边亲人朋友的关爱,多一些正能量,少一些负面情绪。要真正了解孩子的喜好,不喜欢的事情就要减少出现的次数,喜欢的事情可以当作强化物来和孩子进行互动。

3.当孩子的感受被不断的否定时,会感到困惑和愤怒,这是在暗示孩子不要去了解自己的感受,不要相信自己的感受。

  • 当孩子感到到困惑和愤怒时,我们应给予一定的理解和认同,要让孩子知道我们懂他们的感受,不能克制孩子有情绪反应,适当的引导孩子表达正确的情绪才是最重要的。要让他们了解各种情绪,不管是哭,还是笑,让他们知道那是在表达自己的情绪。

4.不要去承担孩子的不快,并进而转化为自己的不快。要让孩子知道,他们有权利伤心和难过。

  • 有些家长看到孩子哭闹,就会忍不住去哄抱孩子孩子,这种情形经常出现在年龄较大的长辈儿身上。但是每个人都有自己的情绪问题,无论孩子还是大人,并不是所有人每天都会开开心心的。我们需要分清楚孩子哭闹得情况,要让他们知道伤心也是生活中的常态,让他们自己去承担自己的感受,那才是最大的进步。
本文来自网络,不代表我的孩子-自闭症儿童公益平台立场,转载请注明出处:https://haizi.love/archives/77/2018/07/

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